Ben's Mission to Toronto

From Ben: The Unexpected Need for Courage For the last time, President looked at me with his discerning, piercing, and experienced eyes.  The final interview.  He told me to not artificially delay the making of my final covanent (getting married)  He explained how crucial it was to maintain habits of prayer and study. He explained and made me commit to attending the temple at a bare minimum of once a month.  He explained that if I ever left the behind these truths, that he would hunt me down.  I accepted these conditions happily.  I asked what books he'd recommend, he gave me some.  I asked what thoughts he had about planning and goal setting, he gave me some. Then it ended.  I don't know why it takes me so much courage to believe and accept the fact that someone truly, and deeply cares about me.  Maybe it's because I have an incorrect perception about "losing myself" in the service of others. I don't want to be selfish. Maybe it's because I ...

From Ben: Chief Captain Ochoa I was laying on the couch during a dinner hour, just thinking.  Elder Ochoa, my Zone Leader, just puttering along in the kitchen, putting some leftover chilli in a cup to heat up in the microwave.  "I like following this guy"  my brain thought " He's not too radical, he's just a good listener and cares about the missionaries he watches over. He's not perfect, nor is he too different from me, but he just cares.  In fact, if he asked me to do something, I'd do it.  I've spent enough time with him to know that his motives are pure and good.  I enjoy the fact that he is my leader. I trust him, and I want to follow him"  Laying on this couch, as I heard the microwave begin heating up some chilli in a cup, I randomly half-teared up (no tears shed, just the watery eyes)  In a quiet way, it really meant a lot to me that there was someone who was just a stand up person, who, I knew if I had something on my mind, he would ...

From Ben - Theological Fetters and the Need for True Men The conversation was really, really bizarre.  There was a kind of frantic, slightly crazed tone in the explanations the man across from us offered, and Elder Morrison and I felt on the edge of our seats the entire time.  He had left the church in previous years and was still legally married to one of the members of our ward despite efforts on the front of his wife to complete a divorce process.  We still actually really need him to officially and legally divorce his wife, because it's holding the wife back from getting officially re-married to a friend of ours we are attempting to baptize, but can't, because of the issue of Chastity.  Complex logistics, but it led to us sitting on a couch across from this man.  He had built a very unique, particular, and incorrect, theological prison around himself; espousing and believing twisted ideas, a couple being... 1) A radical denial of free will. We're puppets on ...

From Ben: Pigs, Pillows, Plans Broken chains, ancient tomes, and still he wandered.  A broken man, a frenzied soul, he'd caused so much pain.  Bruised limbs, a wounded body, day and night he wailed.  Feared by most, hated by self. No hope. No light. The monster of the Gaderene.  Step off the boat, Apostles stay behind.  Where is he? A cry in the mountains, a form is seen, brisk, early in the morning.  The fisherman tremble, unable to follow.  The Nazarite looks upward, piercing eyes, focused on him.  We knew him!... it is He... The Eldest... the Firstborn... Why is he here!? From a distance, a wild run What have I to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of the most high God?! I adjure thee by God, that thou torment me not!  Gentle, firm, quiet, yet resolute and confident.  Eyes, calm yet ablaze. Piercing. Seeing deeper.  Come out of the man, thou unclean spirit. What is thy name? Unwanting, yet unable to hold back answer.  My name is ...