May 8, 2023

From Ben - Theological Fetters and the Need for True Men

The conversation was really, really bizarre. 

There was a kind of frantic, slightly crazed tone in the explanations the man across from us offered, and Elder Morrison and I felt on the edge of our seats the entire time. 

He had left the church in previous years and was still legally married to one of the members of our ward despite efforts on the front of his wife to complete a divorce process. 

We still actually really need him to officially and legally divorce his wife, because it's holding the wife back from getting officially re-married to a friend of ours we are attempting to baptize, but can't, because of the issue of Chastity. 

Complex logistics, but it led to us sitting on a couch across from this man. 

He had built a very unique, particular, and incorrect, theological prison around himself; espousing and believing twisted ideas, a couple being...

1) A radical denial of free will. We're puppets on strings in the hands of God. 

2) The death of Christ saved all mankind and that belief, or, the thought train that he is a redeemer, being the only requirement to enable salvation. Works, in any form, disconnected from faith even, being a insult to Christ. The highest form of devotion being one who just exists, and does as close to nothing as he can get. 

3) That being "like unto a child" was to be interpreted as a crippling dependency upon God - praying, studying, or commandment obeying all having no place in this form of devotion and dependency. 

4) That all thoughts and emotions, of any kind (joy, sadness, anger, hope, etc.) were all from the devil and not to be trusted.

5) That the past and future were the realms of the devil, and that God only existed within the absolute now. Only now. To think of the past, or to prepare for the future was a rejection of our Father in Heaven. 

All of these and a couple more thoughts, all built up in a discordant crescendo to produce a life of nothingness, attempting the highest forms of apathy, escape, and idleness. 

But that was just the catch. 

Through some snippets and parts of our dialogue, it showed that at some point in this man's history, there was a great moment of stress, sin, and exhaustion that culminated up to an ultimate breaking point. That led to him leaving his marriage, fleeing his sacred  responsibilities, and seeking escape: escape from the situation, escape from his guilt, his shame, and escape from evert facet of life associated with that great and catastrophic break - the church with it. 

I do not know, but am confident in my opinion that this incredible theological prison this man had placed himself in was an extreme effort to find solace and freedom from the shame of his choices. 

I'm so confident this is the case. 

But it produced a very interesting perspective for us. 

On the first perception, this man was slightly crazed and devoid of genuine logic or reason. A man to be avoided. 

On the second, and the more real I believe, this man was just deeply, deeply wounded, and just wanted to stop hurting. 

A man that needed a care and love that required a depth above the shallow socialization I often default to. 

Elder Morrison and I are not the ones to save this man. I do not believe we know enough details, nor are in a position to do what is required. 

But in order for such a rescue mission to succeed, it will require a caliber of character rare among the echelons of men.

It will require a Christlike character. 

A real, genuine, true to the core, disciple of Christ. 

Our conversation made me reflect a little deeper on what ways I also unkowingly build logical prisons around myself to hide weaknesses or to "cover my sins" 

Not a good idea, and unproductive to a soul that wants freedom. 

To take a step back from some of the gravity of this particular situation, the week was truly blessed. 

On Thursday we held Zone Council and talked about some of the principles we want the Oshawa Zone to be conducted by, and it was a joy to be with these other missionaries. 

They are all so cool! 

Only six companionships, but with so much power and potential. 

We're currently in the process of trying to bring out as much of that potential and ability as possible. 

I got to go on exchange with my good friend and former companion, Elder Thesues Surdu. He might have one of the most honed senses of dry humor I've ever encountered. I love this man. 

Onward, ever onward 

Love you each!! 

- Elder Smith

[Assortment of Zone pics, Zone P-day nerf wars, District Council notes, notes to Elders, follow up call nights (Tuesday be wilin') and some pics with the brethren]

From Mom: Mullet for the Win

Dear Elder Smith,

A couple years ago a man moved into our ward who had the most epic mullet I’ve ever seen. He had red hair and thick locks that went half-way down his back. His name, Relan Crosby. Do you remember him? I can’t recall if he moved in before or after you left on your mission. A person observing him could tell he had a challenge with walking … his knees curved oddly to the side and he had to use his whole body for momentum to get his feet one step in front of the other. But he was there every Sunday with his wondrous mullet and unique way of mobility. 

One day in Sunday School, I made a comment about how my children would get “offended” when I told them I loved God more than them. “And not because I don’t love my children, but because when I put God first, then I am taught how to love my children better than on my own.” Relan Crosby looked at me with an intense expression and said, “Thank you for saying that. I’ve never thought of it that way before and I needed to hear it. Thank you so much!” I was a little taken aback by his sincerity but his response made a memorable impression on me. 

It turns out Relan Crosby had ALS and was slowly losing control of his motor function and whose day were numbered. I didn’t know him very well but in the last year, he got married to an amazing woman who is still part of our ward (and I truly hope she stays). And he sacrificed the beloved mullet by chopping his beautiful, long hair and donating it to make a wig for cancer patients. Two weeks ago, Relan Crosby, assisted by Cathy and his motorized wheelchair bore his last testimony of his sure knowledge of life after death, hope that the Saviour gives, love of God and of all humankind. 

He died this week and as today was fast Sunday, many of our ward members got up and told of the impact Bro. Crosby made on their lives … including Jackson Kruk! Relan’s wife, Cathy, also bore her testimony of the love of the Ward family and her gratefulness to be surrounded by people who serve selflessly. She ended with comparing her life before the church to after her conversion and would never go back to living a life without the knowledge the Gospel provides in spite of all life’s challenges.

So. Inspired. 

And then I drove Dad to the airport for another business trip. Boston this time. He arrived safely already and will be back on Friday.  That means I’m starting this week without my favourite person. Again. (Which is not my favourite thing.) We are down a vehicle (The Green Pea Pod needs some work), which is also a hassle. I’m recovered from a pinched sciatic nerve (which is a painful zap from the butt cheek down the leg every little movement … do not recommend) and yet … I’m so grateful for my life, my love, my challenges, my beautiful children, etc. brought home more fully by the inspiration of Relan Crosby and his legendary mullet. 

Perspective is what it is. 

The highlight this week was going to Madison’s Bridal Shower. It was so fun for me to see her with her family, friends and community who gathered together to celebrate the age-old tradition of women supporting women. I got to meet her Grandma, Aunties, cousins, roommates. I watched her open presents and say things like, “Josh is going to love this,” holding up a baking pan, “because he likes making brownies.” We love this girl. She is perfect for Josh. And Josh is perfect for her. It’s like a miracle and the greatest boon to find someone to go through life with; someone who will stand beside you and just … face it. (Speaking from experience.) Madison has the same birthday as Bowie, July 14, and Bowie loves her because Madison played hide-and-seek with her. When we celebrated their mutual birthdays this summer, Bowie graciously let Madison open her presents first. So yeah … we aaaallll love her from the oldest to the youngest. And you’ve never even met her. It’s weird, but soon to be remedied. 

So wish me luck this week and I will wish it back to you. Life keeps going so we may as well face it together with our knowledge of all good things. 

Love you forever,

Mom

P.S. Tonight Mia says, “I want cake” and whips up a double-layered chocolate cake with perfectly decorated icing. The girl is a wonder. 

And the other miracle of the week was finding Abby some gorgeous, metallic silver, sparkly, strappy, COMFORTABLE grad shoes to wear with Rachel’s borrowed dress. 

Which is to say, we are loving our moments especially lately because ALBERTA IS LITERALLY ON FIRE. Fourteen wildfires are raging across the province due to the dry spring and gale force winds, the closest of which is 20 minutes away but luckily Wizard Lake is between us and it. We get emergency alerts daily. Drayton Valley has been evacuated. We are dealing with displaced people all over the province. The government has declared a state of emergency. Crazy times. The truth is that grad shoes, chocolate cake and mullets don’t really bring us happiness, but they can sure help us enjoy life while we live it.

Perspective is what it is.