From Ben - How Could I Not?
"Hey, you got a random 30 seconds? My friend and I here are missionaries and share a real special message"
"Nah, fam, I'm already a Christian, I don't need none of that"
"Actually, that's perfect! The message we share is kind of tailored to Christians! Have you heard of the Book of Mormon?
"Who"
"Sorry, what?"
...
"Who asked?"
...
"Who... asked what?
Elder Mercado, in the back,
"Elder Smith, the guy is not interested"
"Ah... you down to come to church then maybe?"
"Nah fam"
"Ok, (quick fist bump) have a good day"
Elder Mercado, afterwards,
"Elder Smith. I'm peeved at that guy"
Me, with a smile "that's alright, try to forgive him"
And onward we walked.
We had Zone Conference this week.
I have come to find a real love for playing prelude music for these things.
I'm always the last minute, on-call guy, and it is always a blast to come up with new variations on the hymns and to try to make them uplifting, spiritual, and, every little bit, somewhat adventurous.
If at any time, the praise or the world, or, the missionaries seated in the pew sneaks its way into my perception, my skill to hit keys actually drops.
When I just want to build an atmosphere of the Spirit, things just kinda flow.
Should I be surprised. No
The conference was incredible.
There's a missionary in the zone who is going through some challenging things right now.
His situation has been pressing on my mind for some time and it's had me thinking new thoughts.
It feels like a literal pressure on the heart and mind to care and feel concern for someone.
I pray like mad for his help and his healing, and it's possible that he still has many, many long roads ahead of him, which stinks.
What a curious result that stems from caring.
Now, concern for others can get to lengths that personally weakens or harms our own physical and mental health, and we seek to avoid that.
But in every case where there is genuine love for someone, it is inevitable that we ourselves will experience some form of concern and care.
This leads us to mourn when they mourn, and be willing to bear heavy burdens when they are struggling.
We are asked to bear the yoke of Christ (Matt 11:28), and the weight that comes from such a burden is is only found in the realm of genuine love.
There is a pure sadness that stems from such a choice to love it is true, but the joy that comes from it is also indescribable and priceless above anything. That joy is linked to our own understanding of the potential and hopes of the other person, and comes when we see our spiritual brothers and sisters as God sees them.
I have miles to go in developing this perspective for myself, but I know that I've been changed before through following my Savior, and I can trust the promise that, in time, I will continue to change and be refined.
I was having a slower, sadder day this week (which I'm grateful for actually, because on these slower, sadder days, my mind think slower, and slightly sadder thoughts, which actually can present a really special and needed perspective)
And during my personal study, the question of
Why do I actually worship Jesus Christ? presented itself.
And often, my brain gets nervous to think such thoughts because it pulls the sly on me, and has me thinking I'm putting down God by asking such questions, which is obviously completely untrue, yet, unconsciously, I'll still believe such misconceptions (what a sly trick Satan pulls on me )
However, today, because it was a slower, sadder day, I didn't have the energy to believe the subconscious misconception.
At it's core, I'm not worshipping Christ, or my Father in Heaven, because they are powerful, or the creators, or because they know all things, or because they can grant me blessings if I ask.
I sometimes worship them because it's my habit of life to do so (which isn't too bad, but it's not the best reason)
I sometime worship them because everyone else around me does so.
But in moments of stillness, understanding, and the presence of the still small voice, a purer, truer reason is taught to me.
In the pre-mortal councils, in the presence of Heavenly Parents, who loved me and cherished me no matter what, Their greatest hope was so that I, and my fellow brothers and sisters, their children, could find a happiness everlasting, could know the radical blessing of a body, and could know true love and joy in a Heavenly Family.
They knew the route by which such blessings were possible.
A route of choices, of experience, and pain.
Our Father presents such a plan, by which we could embark on the project of learning divinity, but introduces a central challenge.
As we are learning divinity, we cannot live again by our own power (death), and we cannot, on our own, erase or reshape the decisions that teach us weakness or enhance our carnal nature (sin). Left to ourselves in this great project, failure, misery, and a banishment from the Heavenly Family are inevitable
But.
There is a solution.
It requires one who is perfect.
It requires an Atonement.
Looking upon the expanse of the Heavenly Family, knowing what must be done, our Father asks
"Who shall I send?"
A Beloved Son steps forward.
And knowing, to some degree, the conditions of an infinite Atonement, Jehovah our brother, voluntarily, by His own agency, and stemming from a perfect compassion and love for His fellow spirit siblings says
"Here am I. Send me"
I'm of the opinion that in that instance, Jesus the Christ became worthy of the worship we credit to Him.
Our worship stems from a pure gratitude, and an overwhelming love for One who voluntarily embraced an infinite suffering to offer us but the chance to succeed.
One who promises to always walk alongside us, to weep with us, to bear our burdens with us.
Not because of an arbitrary power granted to Him, but because of the power granted to Him because of His Atonement and the infinite suffering done on our behalf, without our asking Him.
How could I not follow such a person?
It becomes an appalling alternative to ignore or reject such a claim to love.
From that point, His power, knowledge, creator status, and so forth lock in to place. But they are not the central reason.
I can love Jesus Christ with hypocrisy and the traps of tradition.
With a clear understanding of who He is, and what He has done.
We want to love Him for Him, not for blessings or social reward amongst our church peers.
Obviously there's a lot more angles to take this conversation, each productive in their place, but this will suffice for a single email
I really appreciate and love each of you.
The prayers you offer for me work miracles and they mean a lot.
Thanks
- Elder Smith
1) A super gnarly temple picture I saw Henry B. Eyring post on his Facebook
2) Post shopping trip with a wonderful sunset
3) The district
4) Adventure shot hitting streets
5) Shopping shot
6) 3 minute comp study nap at Mohawk College
From Mom - The Little Things
Dear Ben,
Here is a journal entry from Thursday …
Thursday, February 16, 2023
Yesterday I created a little work space in the library by removing the tower of cubbies that used to be for homeschooling and school supplies and replacing it with the cute little desk that Mom refinished for me when Chad and I were married. I love that little desk and I’m delighted to be actively using it. Once I dejunked the library from the pile of cubby stuff, I sat down to do some homework with one of the kitchen chairs. SO productive, and I adore the work space but the chair was too big!
So for fun I went to the Salvation Army while Coco was getting her shave and voila! A cute little lime green chair for my cute little desk for $12. (What IS with lime green anyway?) It really is the little things …
Other little things:
dropping by the office to sign La Riena’s birthday card and laughing it up with Annelle
dropping by Wendy’s (I haven’t been to her house in 8 months). I purchased some hair products from her and after a conversation, agreed to help her with paperwork in submitting insurance claims. And she’ll pay me $20/hr. After school on Tuesdays it is!
Bonding with Mia over Walking Dead (Chivalry is not dead! Go Daryl and Henry!)
A loooong walk with Sheena. Probably 7 kms and we talked the entire way since it’s been awhile. Coco was good and tired for her shave.
Two poms on the library and it looks so good. Work space is improving by the day! I also discovered a stool in the corner under a pile of puzzle boxes which is now serving as a night stand in our guest bedroom … another project.
Discovering Colleen’s lost medication on the guest bedroom shelf and expediting it to her along with a forgotten necklace.
Spaghetti supper together for the win, but clean up was the best before Abby and Chad went to choir. Barenaked Ladies “Odds Are” and “Who Needs Sleep” are the winners as Abby couldn’t help dancing to them. Billy Joel is also making a resurgence; Ben would be proud.
Relationality included going to Canadian TIre to pick up some bolts for Chad because I love him enough to do the detestable errand of picking up parts. I went to Customer Service and unfortunately started up a coughing fit and had to leave. I coughed so hard that the tears were rolling down my face, the snot was running and I was peeing my pants a little (good things I had just used the bathroom or I would have been in trouble). I was SO embarrassed that I almost didn’t go back in … but I did (because I love Chad). I apologized to the lady and she smiled and said, “that happens to me sometimes, too!” And called someone to get the parts for me.
Today I love life.
*******
I feel like noticing the small, beautiful occurrences in life Is the path of humility. Have you never noticed in the Beatitudes, the order seems to be progressive? … poor in spirit —> mourning —> meekness leads to hungering and thirsting after righteousness which leads to mercy —> pure in heart —> peacemaking —> endurance = power and strength. Reread Matt 5:1-12 and consider the possibility of the it being a road map of progression. … But it starts with humility.
Mia came with me to the U of A on Saturday to pick up some reading material from the library. She got to see the HUB mall on a quiet day and experience the labyrinth of campus. It’s a little thing to spend time together but added up is a big thing … and such is life.
So this week I’m trying to increase awareness of all those little things that make life not only bearable but vibrant and joyful.
And you are definitely one of those things. Your weekly calls are always such a highlight and happy-maker in our lives. Thank you for being a light to me and everyone you meet.
Love forever,
Mom
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