January 16, 2023
From Ben - Anti-Automation
Our morning schedule is as follows...
6:30 - 7:00: Wake up and daily plan
7:00 - 7:30ish: Work out
7:30ish - 9:00: Eat breakfast, have conversations with the dear Elders, eat some breakfast (hopefully healthy), shower and prepare.
Then 9:00-10:00: Personal Study
What it truly feels like however, is...
6:30-7:00 Wrestle for dear life to snuff out the morning grumps as we look at our day and plan our activities (the only thing that really works is a prayer honestly)
7:00-7:30ish: Hype myself up to walk up the stairs. (Pause) Hype myself up to lift a single weight. (Pause) Do some... necessary stretching... to stall a little bit, then, when Elder Mercado comes up to motivate me more, do the actual work out.
7:30ish-8:30ish: Go ponder what breakfast to eat, and decide for a couple minutes between my three regular options, and usually go for the breakfast burrito.
Go pray again, because my first morning prayer didn't cut it that early in the day, then wrap myself burrito style and read the Book of Mormon before personal study to prepare for said study - sometimes stealing a 10 minute nap before the process.
That's a regular morning.
For whatever reason, all the conviction and flame that often ignites my soul the day before, can be doused and snuffed in a single sleep, causing me to have to almost re-convert, or, re-ignite the faith I had the previous night, every single morning.
Without a very clear and defined gameplan or vision for myself, I'll rapidly lose sight of the grand game-plan of this work on the daily.
The hymn "I need thee every hour" isn't just for the starving souls, but for any soul, because, in my experience, my faith, spirit and conviction atrophy quickly without consistent daily fusions of Heavenly light.
And when I do try to connect with my Father above, and feel the grace of my Savior in cheap and rote ways, it mocks our relationship, always to my detriment.
It's like holding a conversation with someone and giving only 20% of your attention.
You gain nothing from the conversation, and they feel un-appreciated, unseen, and unimportant.
However, a full commitment (100% attention) in any conversation or relationship communicates value and enriches both parties.
Without that 100% percent discipleship, I feel robotic and empty, mirroring this epic quote I read in yonder days, and one that Sam helped me remember on a call way back.
"Today we come across and individual that behaves like an automaton, who does not know or understand himself, and the only person he knows is the person that he is supposed to be, whose meaningless chatter has replaced communicative speech, whose synthetic smile has replaced genuine laughter, and whose sense of dull despair has taken the place of genuine pain.
Two statements may be said concerning this individual.
One is that he suffers from defects of spontaneity and individuality which may seem to be incurable. At the same time it may be said of him he does not differ essentially from the millions of the rest of us who walk upon this earth"
(From a dude named Erich Fromme)
The Gospel of Jesus Christ, when lived, and in light of our relationship with our Savior, completely destroys the automaton life.
It enriches joy, allows for real communication, purifies pain.
And we gotta choose that same thing every morning.
On an exchange with a beloved Elder, I had a memorable train of thought.
This Elder has sad eyes, a tough backstory, and unexpected strength and hope.
On campus, in the engineering building, in a solid room with a piano (I tickled the keys and played a hymn or two) and a giant screen that was playing a NBA game (Raptors VS. Hornets) we held a companionship study.
This Elder explained some of the home life situation, and how, in a very real sense, him going on a mission was a playing a key part in the bringing back of his family to the church.
In a unique second, I saw in this Elder the potential of a radiant character, and I felt inside that I was willing to fight and sacrifice to see it happen.
With his sad eyes, and quite confidence, I felt he was going to make a great difference.
I still believe it, but it was cool to feel my perspective shift from just a good guy who I enjoyed spending time with, to a character who I wanted to fight for, and truly, truly desired his success.
I want that perspective more often.
On Tuesday we held Zone Conference.
It held instructions on goals, personal conversion, working with members and more.
However, a single instant, that lasted less then three seconds, rises above as the most impactful moment of the entire day.
It was President Stacey, in silence, and without a word, handing me 62 printed pages of a document outlining an award he recieved for organizational excellence back in his Healthcare days.
It struck me straight to the heart.
Exactly one week prior, I made a completely off the cuff comment about President's achievements as a Health-Care CEO, and made a joke about this prestigious award he'd recieved.
I said
"You know President, you should send me the results of that award"
That was it.
Seven days later, in an act of the smallest kindness, President gave me the results.
He did not need to do that, and the odds of him forgetting were insane.
Yet, he remembered.
It meant more to me then any lecture he'd given.
By small and simple things, are great things brought to pass.
The greatest things.
Love you each!!
- Elder Smith
1) Caught lackin' on a trip to Niagara Falls
I got called out as the missionary in a red hat.
They're definitely on to us.
4) Tragically found a 20$ on the ground with no owner in sight. We shed a tear for their loss, did in honesty search for the owner, then bought some expensive milkshakes with it. (Shout out red hat)
5) The falls
6) Farewell to a hero. Elder Hartman goes home in a week and I got to spend a final day with him last P-day.
I love this Elder. He made a difference to me.
7) Half off Harvey's with the District. A member owns the joint.
Dear Ben,
It is the final countdown for the girls' school semester and I have loved watching them let their lights shine as they live in the world (of high school) but rise above the worldly ways and build meaningful and helpful relationships with so many at school. I'm proud of them.
Yesterday we had a few tense moments as Mom and I felt some concern about the level of spoilage in our younger daughters leading to a family council. Although a few tears were shed, a greater understanding was achieved and clearer expectations were established. Best of all, the tension was gone and in its place flowed love, acceptance and humor. I'm so grateful for the decision we made to have children. You all are so important and precious to me and I can't imagine my life without you all.
Mom and I enjoyed a trip to the temple Friday night. It was so nice to connect with heaven in a small way. The wonderful side benefit to going to the temple is often seeing and connecting with friends from previous years. I enjoyed reconnecting with Russ Mclean and learned that his son is serving in Timmons and I'm sure you know Elder Maclean from your last zone. I also enjoyed connecting again with Sean and Trish Bravender. Their son went to Zambia after Sam and is now back and in his first year of Engineering. Life moves on fairly quickly. Just today I was talking to Marvin Esqerra, Kit's uncle and he couldn't believe you'd been out over 18 months already.
Talking about things progressing, while we were out at the temple, Josh came over and decorated the tree house with photos and lights so that he could take Madison out and ask her a question. I'll probably have an update before I send this email about what the answer is :)
One of my goals this year is to play pickleball every week. Turns out the Calmar club is on hold waiting for the town to approve a space for them to do it so I called Ron Patrick who is the president of the Thorsby club. Turns out they play every Tuesday, Thursday, but in the mornings! When I mentioned I was interested, though, Ron said he'd look into starting a Thursday evening slot. Sounds like lots of people are interested so I'm looking forward to that.
Lately I've been theorizing about how prayers are heard and answered. Since my Dad passed away, I've been curious and wonder about how things are in the spirit world. I imagine him receiving a calling and fulfilling family duties and hard at work with occasional breaks to reach out to us, his family to help and inspire us. We know from the scriptures that records are kept in heaven so I've been imagining in my mind's eye a vast army of spirits all with jobs to do and callings to fulfill. I imagine that my prayers are recorded and evaluated based on the myriad of factors that affect and result in answers and aid being sent to myself and those I pray for. So when I'm reading the scriptures I find myself looking for evidence of this. As I was reading Mosiah 3, that great King Benjamin sermon (great name btw), he records this small phrase after recounting that an angel had visited him to give him wonderful tidings to share with his people.
Mosiah 3:4 - "For the Lord hath heard thy prayers, and hath judged of thy righteousness...". As I read that scripture, I was struck that one of the key criteria for our prayers being heard and honored could be based on our righteousness. So as you are praying this week, and want to be heard, couple your prayers with righteousness and I think you'll find some greater effectiveness!!
Update on the big question. Can you guess the question and answer?
We were all very excited. A huge congratulations to Josh and Madison.
On Saturday mom and I ambitiously swapped the office and the guest room. We took the opportunity to clean the carpets in the old office and thank goodness for Mom’s attention to detail. She rinsed that carpet 6x. I would have done 2 passes and called it good. That’s why we’re a team.
Pray for the girls this week as they prepare for and write finals.
And have a great week yourself my son.
Dad
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