October 24, 2022

From Ben - Enter the Colosseum

It clicked. For a moment. The purpose. The why. 

Not just in my head. But ingrained in what I truly desired. 

We had been talking to this group of teenagers who didn't really have much of a care about what we shared about God and Christ. 

They had a fun time with each-other while we talked with them, giving each the sly eye, the small grins that suggested it was wild two missionaries were talking with them.

I'm pretty sure they thought it a funny adventure that these two young fellows, not much older then them, (and definitely shorter) were attempting to explain why they should explore the person called Christ.

They chuckled, made some sarcastic comments, and we parted ways. 

One thing caught my eye in the midst of the conversation however. 

One of the girls in this group of friends had it tough. 

She had the 'go with the crowd' kind of laugh whenever a joke was made, but it was pretty hollow. 

She really didn't say anything. Barely a comment. 

She was struggling though. 

The way she dressed, the look in her eyes, a couple of scuffs or marks suggesting a home life that was unkind to her. 

Not a word of what we were trying to say really got through. 

I do understand that people have their freedom to choose, that sometimes a different set of circumstances will open them to a willingness to learn. 

But it really got to me that we weren't able to get through to them. 

They went their way, we went ours, but it burned in my thoughts and heart. 

Alma's cry to be an angel in the 29th chapter of his record made sense inside me for the first time.

He says he "would declare unto every soul, as with the voice of thunder, repentance and the plan of redemption, that they should repent and come unto our God, that there might not be more sorrow upon all the face of the earth"

I just wanted those kids to live a life that wasn't so terrible. So filled with uncertainty, stress, and anxiety. 

So, after that interaction, for the remainder of the day,

the missionary game melted away. 

Any traces of un-motivation subdued and I just saw souls around me.

And I swear, for the first time, I understood what it meant to want to be an instrument in God's hands. 

And felt, again like Alma in the same chapter, that "this [was] my glory, that perhaps I may be an instrument in the hands of God to bring some soul to repentance; and this [was] my joy" 

Fear was not an issue. I knew what to say.

Since then, my mind has settled and cooled, at least in the heat of the moment sense, but my thoughts are still circling around such things. 

This was yesterday, Sunday. 

On Wednesday, our champion of a President came up to Subdury for interviews. 

We held our Zone Council the same time as interviews as we only have so many kilometers as a Zone. 

The council went well, our Sister Training Leaders led a powerful instruction on having faith to find others to teach, despite the increasing cold outside. 

Elder Leavitt, one of the district leaders, led a discussion on how our culture as missionaries must become more consecrated and holy. 

Then Elder Surdu and I taught a lesson in front of the Zone and had everyone discuss what went well, and what could have done better. 

(OH MAN. I think I phrased my idea wrong, because when, after the lesson, I said "alright everyone, pick it apart! What did you notice?" They PICKED IT APART. 

I and Elder Surdu were laid bare before the Zone, and every hole in our teaching was brought to the light. 

It was a very humbling experience, and I think we learned more then the Zone about how to teach more effectively )

The interview with President is always an experience.

Sister Stacey, in an instant, having you feel loved, and appreciated from just her look.

President, holding gravity just by existing. We talked mainly about the Zone, and talked about some things to try. 

He made a comment that I'm not sure he considered as insightful as he intended it to be. 

I asked him what he'd do if he was given charge over a Zone. What he'd try given the experience he'd had. 

His thought included getting accurate information about the missionaries and the area. 

So, I commented "okay, President! You're saying information precedes good revelation, right?" 

 

And he said "well, not really actually, I'm just saying be smart" 

...

Just be smart. 

Oh man, that was the entire thing I needed to hear from the interview. 

Sometimes I'll assume being led by the Spirit involves being given previously unheard of revelation, that I'd never possibly imagined, it being a key and solution that will change everything. 

That perspective totally paralyzes me though. 

I just gotta act. Just gotta be smart. Take reasonable steps and prepare for the Spirit to aid and guide me in the act of my attempting things.

After the interview, taking advantage of the Elders having driven down to Sudbury, I went up to Timmins for an exchange with one Elder Leavitt. 

On our three hour drive North, it started snowing! 

Golly! It begins already! Winter!

Our conversation took a more casual bent during our perilous drive, and for two and a half hours, he explained the mythology and lore of the video game series, Elder Scrolls. 

Dang, it amazes me how deep of a story people will go into in the worlds they create. 

It was so entertaining as well! 

To hear of this made up world and its mythology. 

Through this conversation, I realized just how incredible our own Gospel reality is. 

Each of us, existing before actual physical birth. 

A council in Heaven amongst gods and holy beings. 

A war in heaven, where we chose to embark on a perilous yet needed mortal journey, trusting in our Champion of Light to redeem and aid us as we battle thr forces of darkness. 

Amnesia. No remembrance of our previous undertakings. 

Then discovering our inherent divinity and destiny through trusting in the Holy One and His chosen servants. 

Granted spiritual gifts to allow our triumph. 

Literally the coolest existence ever. 

One of the key conversations Elder Leavitt and I held in our exchange was the epic speech given by good Ol' Theo Roosevelt on entering the Arena. 

I could actually summon an infinite amount of courage to slay any dragon or fight any foe in the comfort of my arm-chair, I could produce the most amazing intelligence and arguments when there is no one around me to challenge them, I could express the most tender love to the most difficult to love people when I am far away from them, and they, far away from me. 

But to find pure courage, intelligence, and love. The real kind; I have to walk on the edge where each are challenged, tried and refined. 

I have to leave my arm chair and seek for situations that require me to have courage, require me to be more intelligent then I am, require me to humble myself and stand in others shoes to recognize how to truly love. 

I need to find arena where fights need to be fought, and enter them. 

That's why we came to earth, that's why Christ had to undergo His Atonement, that's why we are called to serve. 

To be one in the arena. 

To experience great victories and even great defeats. 

This is our quest 

(Also, I've taught the Ice Castle Mao, and it's getting bonkers. 

Tables have been punched. Rules have been broken, and cards have been given. It's awesome) 

Love you each! 

- Elder Smith

1) The great council of the North

2) Just a quick weekly plan power nap

3) Sunday night dinner. We call it the trough

4) The Sudbury Zone after our council. Elder Surdu and I remain the smallest missionaries. 

5) The night before the great day of interviews. 

It was an adventure. 

6) Got to visit the member Gisele of Timmins. Bless her heart.

7) Elder Surdu and Alex Trebec. 

8) If you go back exactly a year of emails, Elder Hartman and I stand with this exact same goose mural. 

Dear Elder Smith,

First off … check out this text I received from Annelle Lawrence on Saturday.

So even though we miss you, we know you’re where you’re supposed to be and know you’re doing a lot of good, probably more than you realize. 

First catch phrase: “It’s a small world.”

I showed that text to Dad when we had just finished going shopping to Costco for a whack load of food storage. We’ve been busy and not seeing much of each other so Dad picked me up after work on Friday and brought me to The Keg, my favourite restaurant AND we shopped on Sat together so we got our quality time where we mostly talk about our children. Lol! 

Honestly, Dad’s little pocket glasses that pinch on his nose are no end of delight to me. As well as him struggling to read for a few seconds before he pulls them out.  I’m also grateful he lends them to me when I need them! Hahaha. We’re aging together and it’s pretty fun for the most part. Every time we spend quality time, I always remember why I married him in the first place (loves me just the way I am and for his spiritual strength and how much he makes me laugh) as well as some bonuses along the way (he’s determined, forgiving and does his best even if it’s awkward at first and he always shows up)

Second catch phrase: “Dating is cheaper than marriage therapy.”

The word of the week was “autumnal.” 

(Say out loud or have someone read it while you listen … it’s a weird word.) Our little ward choir was asked to sing in Stake Conference and Liz Weeks (still try Choir Director) asked us to wear autumnal shirts and the men, autumnal ties. And we’re like, “what’s autumnal mean?” Of course, if I read the word, I would know but I had no clue what she was talking about when she said it verbally. (Autumn colours like orange, brown, read, deep yellow, etc.) And not surprising, we didn’t have any autumnal tops except for Mia. Abby borrowed her outfit from Megan and I went to the thrift store. (And now I’m a little sad I didn’t get a picture with our autumnal clothes.)

We really enjoyed Stake Conference. Here are some phrases for you to think about …

“The grand Plan of Salvation is the sum of all our individual plans.” -Pres. Johnson

“Eternal Life is not just to live forever, it’s to live life like God and with Him.” -Elder Jackson, the visiting GA (My question is, can we have eternal life now? Think about it … it’s a deep question.)

“It is in the doing that makes the difference.”

-Elder William Jackson

“Do we have 5 minutes for Him who gave us 24-hours?”  -immigrant from Pakistan, referring to prayer

“When love is at the center of what we do, miracles happen.” -random person

We were spiritually fed and that’s saying something from me, who struggles to sit through any meeting. (They also asked Mia to give the closing prayer in the adult session, which was pretty strange and good… she’s getting so old. And Elder Jackson had a special breakfast with the 16-17 yr olds. Get the girls to tell you about it in our call. The girls say they were amazingly spiritually fed but not physically fed very well. Haha)

Another highlight … Dad and the girls finally convinced me to try the foosball table Kylan Rice gave us. It’s fun! They’ve been playing it this week and I enjoy listening to the screaming and laughing and Dad’s outraged explosions. So far the girls are smoking him and he’s had to eat a little Humble Pie. 

So, a good week.

And my most recent fave from Jordan Peterson, “it’s not nothing,” when we are making a big effort but it seems like only a small thing with a seemingly small impact. I appreciate that one the most! Since I spend a lot of time in the vehicle, I listen to a lot of podcasts. Come Follow Me, Brené Brown and Jorden Peterson are my loyal friends right now. 

“It’s not nothing!”

Anyway … to sum up, I love the Gospel and the peace it brings me constantly. Best catch phrase of all. 

 And I love you!

Have a fantastic week!

Mom