December 20, 2021
From Ben: Tears That Never Fell
Christmas is a wild time as a missionary.
It becomes more challenging to meet with members and a bit more difficult to find people to teach.
Everyone's busy with Christmas shopping, family plans, and a multitude of festivities.
But I guess it also provides a cool opportunity to get creative in the ways we usually try to find people, meet with members, and contribute to the season instead of being nagging missionaries.
Tis' the season, eh?
We had a lesson with one of our recent converts in our ward.
She's a young woman in Grade 9 (I think). So it's been an interesting time to try to figure out ways to connect with her in a way that's not awkward, cringy, or ineffective (I've never been a 14 year old girl in Junior high, so while it's been fun to try to empathize with some of her struggles, I straight up don't know what it's like)
We taught the 10 commandments and got to the 9th.
Not bearing false witness.
Or, for this 14 year old young woman in junior high, don't gossip.
I think it was revelation or something, because in a moment, that's what I realized the focal point of the lesson needed to be.
I'm still learning the whole mindset that I'm not the ultimate teacher, the Spirit is.
No matter how poetic or how powerful my knowledge, logic and individual prowess may be, if I don't get the Spirit, my teaching becomes ineffective and weak.
Sometimes I'll randomly get in a competitive mindset with my companions and try to teach so that they're impressed, at other times I'll just teach a rote lesson because I'm tired.
But in other times, and I'm really trying to aim for this more and more, I'm humble, I'm concerned more so about the person we're teaching, I get the Spirit, and everything locks in.
When inviting this 14 year old about why not to gossip, it locked in. The words flowed, we connected, I really cared, the Spirit was felt, and we both grew in understanding (or you could say we were "both edified and rejoiced together")
I also learned what my own personal next step was on the gossip front.
Step 1) Don't gossip behind anyone's backs
Step 2) Defend other people even though they're not there
Step 3) Talk good about other people even though they're not there.
And the next thing that I realized I could work on for this front was to repeat steps 1-3 but in my thoughts.
To "let virtue garnish my thoughts unceasingly" kind of thing.
Isn't it the ultimate "behind the back" conversation our own thoughts?
Nobody ever gets to hear what is in our own heads except God.
So, my current personal commitment is to not talk badly about anyone even in my own internal conversation with myself.
(Not to say I don't learn from the mistakes and weaknesses of others, but just that my thoughts become Christlike and forgiving)
We got to sing on Sunday as well!
Elder Hartman, the stoic bronc rider, confident American, bold and courageous Gospel teacher, faced one of his great fears and sang in front of the small Timmins congregation.
Both me and Elder Heggie are pretty familiar with musical performance, so it was fun to help Elder Hartman sing and perform.
We had a hoot learning The First Noel together and successfully performed it on Sunday. Me on the keys and Elder Hartman and Heggie on the vocals.
Getting compliments from older lady members is such a wonderful thing. It's just so heartwarming as these elite, ancient grandma's smile at you with their twinkling eyes and faces lined with the wrinkles of a life well lived and conquered, and offer appreciation for your quickly thrown together performance.
While we often describe some of these ancient ladies as cute and adorable in their sweet and aged personalities, there is a remarkable power in their sincere and refined kindness.
We need them.
To back track a bit, on Friday, we went to the Lord's Kitchen.
For whatever reason, when we wake up at 5:45 am, gravity isn't pushing down on us at 9.81m/s² it's pushing down on us at 10,000m/s²
It's SO hard to get up sometimes.
However. Once we get to the Lord's Kitchen, start chatting with the other volunteers and making breakfast, it becomes a bunch of fun.
I got in this one conversation with two of the older ladies, Dee and Kally.
And got on the topic of Christmas traditions.
In a moment, all of our family's Christmas traditions and memories blazed through my mind.
Abby and Mia getting up in the middle of the night to see if Santa and the Reindeer came already, and waking me, Sam and Josh up at 4:00 am.
Us having to wait till 6:30 before we can wake Mom and Dad.
Steph taking pictures in the corner
Josh's wince after "Gypsying"
Opening pajamas, drinking eggnog, chocolate dipped pretzels, going to Grandma's and Grandpa's, reading the Christmas story, eating our Christmas cereals.
The good old lump in my throat made its presence, I teared up a bit (I've gotten far more emotional on my mission, my gosh)
and for a moment, I really wished I could be with my family.
I casually left the conversation and started working on some dishes, letting, at least for a little while, the memories of home warm my heart and inevitably, moisten my eyes.
One of the most remarkable miracles of this week was that Gisele the member, said Merry Christmas to Gisele the non-member.
They both love the missionaries, and turns out get quite jealous of each other sometimes.
Member Gisele told us that while in Church, she felt God needed her to forgive non-member Gisele.
So, she wished her Merry Christmas.
She explained to us during her classic nightly calls that she was sick and tired of being so angry at others all the time, and she wanted to change.
It is an extraordinary blessing to witness others choose to be more loving and caring and change to be more Christlike. Or, to repent (sometimes seen as a scary word, but really quite a joyous one)
Beyond that, can you guys pray for Aila, Wendy's mom?
We got her on date for baptism on January 8th, but we're nervous that she's converted to us missionaries and not to Christ.
(She's 85 and told Elder Hartman that he reminded her of her old boyfriend because he is "tall dark and handsome)
On top of that, could you also pray for Robin?
She's on date for the 1st of January, and the adversary sure is trying to stop that from happening.
Love you all
Merry Christmas!!
- Elder Smith
1) A screenshot of the schedule of one of the days in the week
2) A lot of missionaries struggle with moving past the mistakes of their past. So I thought this was a good meme to save to bring up as an object of humor
3) Trio shot. Also me just trying to flex my goofy looking, yet remarkably warm hat
4) Helping Brother Poirer help shovel a member's stairs
5) Thank goodness we have Elder Heggie and his massive arms
6) Elder Heggie and Hartman wrestling it out to let off some steam after a long social media finding block
7) The famous Lord's kitchen
8) Elder Hercules Heggie, doing it again.
Dear Ben,
Coming off of the excitement of the play last week-end it has definitely been a calmer week.
For the Sunday afternoon performance, Mom and I stayed and watched it a second time. I snuck a couple of photos even though it was against the rules. Mom tried to too, but forgot that her flash was on! It was a tense moment as the people around us searched for the culprit. Mom played it cool and quickly hid her phone!
A touching moment with Abby and Mia holding hands singing ironically "Sister Act".
Amelia singing a prayer with fellow Nuns standing on her bed
We loved being able to spend some more time with Stephanie and Bowie before they left on Thursday. Thank you to Tyler for letting them come and leave him at home to tear out tile and paint floors! It was such a wonderful visit. Loved every minute.
Bowie and I doing Playdo while I babysat last Friday night.
When Moved Upon by the Holy Ghost
“An inspired, loving rebuke can be an invitation to unity. Failure to give it when moved upon by the Holy Ghost will lead to discord.”
President Henry B. Eyring, First Counselor in the First Presidency, “Be One,” Ensign, Sept. 2008, 8.
Mom thinks it was appropriate, but I felt bad immediately and apologized. At first Abby was sad about the interchange but she recovered and was fine after, though I'm sure she wondered what the big deal was. Dads... sheesh!
I'm grateful for repentance and for the atonement that let's us start again when we struggle to do things right.
I was also grateful to be in the temple again and felt the spirit as Josh and Sam baptized each of us with authority and humility. With my calling as Family History leader in the ward, I'm slowly gaining a stronger appreciation for the importance and amazing opportunity to share the gospel and its ordinances for others on the other side of the veil. President Olsen (Jon Olsen's father and Temple presidency counselor) referenced this in his introduction to us in the temple when he shared how he felt that the names he was doing from his Family History had been taught by his parents in the spirit world. The power and connection of family goes beyond the veil.
Lately I was talking with Mom about how much I love to discover new truths in the Gospel. I've been reading an amazing book by Fiona and Terryl Givens called "All Things New". In it they present thoughts on an idea I have been pondering for a few years. It is the idea and paradox of believing that God is all knowing and yet gives us Agency... How is that even possible? This quote made me ponder and cracked open a little bit of light for me at least. Not church doctrine per se, but I felt some personal understanding and testimony increase. Note the interesting use of "They" in this quote referring to God in the form of our parents, Heavenly Father and Mother (something else he discusses in a fascinating way in this book):
"It may be that God knows the future, as They know the past, because They know all things. It is also possible that, as some religious thinkers both within and outside our tradition have held, the future does not exist. Hence the future is not one of those "all things" that can be objects of knowledge. However, we do know that God's knowledge is complete and therefore sufficient for us to repose confidence in Their plans and purposes. There is a different kind of comfort in believing that as long as free will exists, we will continue to act and choose and create in ways that are never fully predictable and that the eternities can unfold before us, as our relationships do, in ways that can delight and surprise us - and perhaps God as well."
This describes much of how I feel about all of my children. As much as at times free will can cause sorrow, it is part of the variety and spice of life that our future unfolds before us in ways that can delight and surprise. I'm grateful for the delight and surprise you all give me.
Yesterday Mom made 17 bottles of green salve for gifts to friends and family. Want some? :)
FYI, I've been gathering all your letters, pictures and our letters back in a Blog just like with Sam and Josh. Here's the link if you want to easily look back and see weekly snapshots of your mission.
Abby wanted me to tell you that she learned all of "Bluebird" on the piano and she and Mia have been filling our home with its melodious sounds all day. Josh and Sam came home for the Christmas vacation today and we enjoyed playing Boggle together. An interesting discussion ensued after the last round. In the last round, each of us was able to find so many words that none of the rest of us had found. It was amazing. The principle we learned was that generally, more ideas and input from others can discover so much more than we can learn or do by ourselves. Working together as families, wards, communities etc. we can do so much more than alone.
With those deep thoughts, I'll leave you with a very Merry Christmas wish and express my great love and appreciation for you and the work you have chosen to engage in. You are truly lighting the world with the light of Christ. Joy to the World! Let Earth receive her King!
Love,
Dad
Comments
Post a Comment