September 27, 2021

From Dad - A week of birthdays

Dear Ben,

It has been a wonderful week. We loved talking with you on Monday. Thanks for staying up a little later to talk.

We got to try out our vaccine passports for the first time as most restaurants are requiring them. On Friday we went to the Van Gogh exposition/projection show in Edmonton for Mom's birthday. It was pretty cool to see and experience. After we went to Montana's and were asked to present passports and id to get in.We enjoyed spinach dip and a skillet cookie with icecream. Amazing how good food drives crankiness away :)

On Saturday, we harvested what there was of the garden. It wasn't the most stellar year and we are seriously contemplating fundamental gardening practices next year. Nevertheless, we enjoyed the fruits of our labors today for Sunday dinner shared with the city boys!

Final preparations are underway to pour the BBall pad this week. I'm both nervous and excited. I want it to go well and be a source of fun and joy for our family for years to come. I'm grateful to have John and AJ Ripley coming to help me. Josh and the missionaries are coming as well. Grateful for the help. Hopefully we have some good pics next week.

Saturday Mom and I volunteered to man the foodbank van in Calmar. Mom had the inspiration to call all our neighbors and we collected a bunch of food from the neighborhood. Turned out to be practically all that got collected in Calmar. Your Mom is an amazing woman. From there we went into the city to enjoy our favorite fancy restaurant, the Keg. Brought back some good memories. Great food too.

We decided to go into Church today even though we could have watched from home. 2 reasons. One, Bro. Pomerleau asked me to be on hand in case of technical support needed for Zoom, and it is Fast Sunday. Because of small numbers, we all got the chance to bear our testimonies.

Amelia shared an experience from drama about how even though the people in her group were all so different they were able to work and dance together and compared it to how we may be different, but the gospel can bring us and others together.

Abby shared her experience at the Van Gogh and how she was impressed that even though he was often depressed and suicidal, he didn't stop developing his talents and learning. She also shared how she is able to cope with her stress because of the feelings of the spirit she feels in and taking pictures of nature.

Mom shared a great analogy. On a walk with our neighbor on the corner (Janneane) to see the old house in the back trees, both Coco and Janneane got covered in burrs. For some reason because of the type of pants Mom was wearing, none stuck to her. She shared her thoughts about what things she would like to stick and things she would not want to stick to her in her life. Things like having her testimony and relationships stick and her sins and shortcomings not stick. I will be eternally grateful that she has stuck with me despite all my faults and weaknesses. I hope and pray we will be stuck together along with you and your brothers and sisters forever.

I shared my testimony of miracles. My most recent miracle was being able to play my piano piece "I stand all amazed" for the Stake priesthood meeting without losing my place or blocking. For me it was a small but powerful miracle. I believe in a God of miracles.

God bless you, Ben and sanctify your week of service.

Love Dad.

From Ben - A Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde:

It was a pretty un-eventful week, just the same old missionary work, did a bunch of Instagram proselytizing and met some people. Not much to say really...

Just kidding.

Looking back at the week from a broader perspective, we can make the case mentioned before. However, when we narrow our lens of focus, we can see that the real adventure and intrigue of this week happened within the micro moments and details of each day.

(And when we include the behind the scenes of what good Ol' Elder Smith is thinking, it becomes difficult to include it all into a single email )

But yes. The Trenton area is pretty dry, no lie.

We are currently teaching a single person, and he is in Belleville, an area now controlled by the Sister Missionaries, so we'll be passing him off to them as soon as we can. (Turns out Missionaries are quite the territorial bunch...) :)

So. We are spending a great amount of time proselytizing, on the street, and through social media, praying that we will find someone who'd be open open hearing what we have to say.

It's so amazing the various types of people and characters you meet online. Especially as a missionary.

Many assume we're conniving salesman, others that we are brainwashed and niave (one can make the case that I'm the latter of these two definitions, but certainly not the first) some just want to mess around with us (I really enjoy these conversations; One dude explained how it was to Tuna God he prayed) and most are simply not interested (which is totally respectable)

Then there are others, with curious minds and open hearts, who really would like to learn.

Of the hundreds of conversations I've had and have tried to have. I've only had four of these. And of those four, we'll be meeting one on Friday (heck yah)

So the work goes on, even on Instagram. It's definitely an interesting experiment on faith.

This week I was also able to identify two mindsets or perspectives that I tend to adopt.

The first of these is unfortunately the one I have a trickier time figuring out (which frustrates me to no end, because most of the time I can recognize that I'm not in this mindset)

And the second is the one that I have sadly tended towards.

The first is outward focused, selfless, charitable, and Christlike.

The second, inward focused, self-centered, and prideful.

It sounds so easy to distinguish between the two looking back and writing it now. But in the moments when I tend toward the second, I can barely recognize it as such (till I'm frustrated, stressed, impatient and passive aggressive that is )

In fact, for a while, I would go through the day, totally thinking that my motives were pure, until I realize that I was frustrated at my companions and they were frustrated at me, or I would have no desire at all to talk to people while street contacting.

I finally realized that my motives could use some refining after I read Moroni's description of Charity in Moroni 7.

Verse 45

And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

I measured myself against each of the descriptions he offers of charity and realized I had failed in all of them except for the first, long-suffering .

Which was a bit of a shocker, because I was pretty sure I was doing a pretty good job that morning when it came to being charitable.

I've slowly gotten better at recognizing when I've tended towards Hyde. There's a certain feeling attached to it.

And I KNOW when I'm in a Christlike state of mind. When so, I feel confident, hopeful, faith filled and invincible.

In D&C 121, the Lord explains "that the rights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven, and that the powers of heaven cannot be controlled nor handled only upon the principles of righteousness"

I totally took this scripture for granted. When my motives are aligned and I'm honestly doing my best to follow the principles of righteousness, it's not hard to identify when I've got the powers of heaven with me.

It is still a work in the process though, my goodness.

There was a particular moment this week, where I was hard-core stuck in Hyde. I was frustrated and annoyed. Then I got more frustrated when I was able to see that I was in Hyde but couldn't logically, or rationally change the way I was feeling. I knew I needed a paradigm shift, but I had not the slightest idea how to do it.

So, I prayed real hard.

I have heard my entire life that we become changed through Christ's atonement. I still don't understand what that means completely, but I think I experienced just a sliver of what that meant on that day.

I prayed real hard in that moment, and in all honesty, I just kind of expected a full turn around of how I was feeling. I didn't. At least not right away.

I recognize it better looking back, but throughout that same day, I can identify micro moments where a feeling or thought was presented that I had a chance to choose to follow.

In one particular case, while on a walk, I was fighting my own thoughts in my head and losing. When, almost out of nowhere came the feeling (I'm putting my own words to it, forgive anything lost in translation)

"Elder Smith. Head up, shoulders back. YOU get to choose to be better than you are. So choose it"

When I began to believe that I didn't just have the 'ability to choose' but also had in me 'the capacity to choose correctly' it became easier, and the spirit consecrated the efforts.

Eventually, sometime in the afternoon, there came a point where I was totally free from the unfortunate mindset no. 2, and had a genuine feeling of love towards the people around me.

(It sounds cheesy, but it feels super empowering even in a logical sense)

The aid that our Heavenly Father provides us is a very real thing.

This does sound far more epic and dramatic while writing it out. And looking back I do realize that it is a really cool experience. But in the moment while experiencing it, it felt like I was just living like I usually do.

It's totally bizarre that we sometimes have to recognize the crazy adventure and experience life already is

Dang. There's just too much to say!

Elder Peterson also does an unbelievable Kronk voice impression.

I'll leave it at that for now :)

Love you guys! Thanks for reading my really long emails!

- Elder Smith

1) Mom! I found out that Bobcaygeon was an hour and a half drive from me!!! (Everybody, listen to Tragically Hip's 'Bobcaygeon' it's a good one)